Moved To Wordpress :)

Hello Friends!

I have officially moved my blog to Wordpress!! I hope you will drop by at my new blog I, Me, Myself... Thanks a lot for the time and constant support here! Indebted to everyone of you! Thanks a lot :)

Love,

Sashu!

Who do I choose to be - Radha or Meera?

Who does the earth

Find me to be;

Sown inside the person

I am-

Chaste Meera or

His Radha?

The world sang of

Radha Kishen,

And I basked in the glory

Of the love

That never had any tint

Of a blemish

Visible.

But beneath the powdered

Dreams, I knew,

Radha bled.

Her soul belonged to him,

But wife-

She adorned another's

Title to herself.

Meera, most often

Was forgotten.

Her music spoke of

Love.

Viscous, it poured out

Leaving one

Hollow, deep.

Forever unrequitted,

Her love remained.

Like those empty words

Of mine,

You never tried to-

Let be.

Radha or Meera? I had to

Choose.

I wondered why,

And I wondered why not.

I could be Meera for

Him. But his Radha, I could

Never.

For, the choice

Never was mine.

It had already been made.

Always been made

...love bites

What is it in love

That can neither let be,

Nor let go?

Why is it that my tears

Never fail to lather

At your feet

And yet, the ache

Mellows with a word

Or a touch, faint.

In the moment after the next,

The smile breaks

And the heart rests

In a placid silence.

Yet, I know,

The ache would resurface

Painting itself a new hue.

And even in the joy

Of the night's passion,

Or the warmth of the embrace

Of your repentance,

It longs for the pain.

My masochist soul

Longs to bleed, to thrive

Off your anger, your hate-

For without this pain,

My love is commonplace;

And I am just another somebody.

Or should I say,

Just another nobody?

Mother

There, across the timeless space

She stood on her own,

Behind a veiled door.

Her eyes, tired

And her face, creased

With worry lines.

Her fingernails, dirty

And her arms had burnt marks

That failed to fade.

She had that forlorn look

That could find no reason,

And her soiled clothes

Though still neatly pressed.

Were drenched in sweat.

Across that flimsy veil,

She seemed miserable,

Ever so.

I wondered if I ought to go

Past the seamless space

And save her soul.

I had no armor, no shield

Yet, I knew I had to-

So delved headlong,

Across the silken barrier

To find her.

Looked around, but in vain.

I found her not.

Maybe too late, I hope not,

I whispered to myself,

With trembling syllables.

Just before I waded back

To the other end of living-

I saw her face.

Her eyes seemed tired,

Yet they twinkled

In joy, that caught my breath

To summersault.

Those crease lines aged her

ever so gracefully,

And never in ceaseless worry.

Her burnt skin smelled of milk

and butter,

Her finger nails were dipped

In colors of life.

I saw her peek a glimpse

Every half of a second

Into the dim-lit room

Right across the table.

I found her smile,

As though nothing could have

Been better, ever.

I walked in

To find out her secret joy-

For, in my eyes,

Nothing she had, could make

Me smile her smile.

And then I saw-

Across the timeless backdrop

A cherubic face, that shone.

Toothless, a smile

Broke away-

And my heart skipped a beat.

I turned back to her-

And I found her bask

In the aura of motherhood.

Humbled,

I drifted back to my world,

Wordlessly.

There was nothing I could say

Or be-

For she was everything -

She was a mother.

- (C) Sashu

09 May 2010

Ugly Nudity

How deep is that

Plastic smile

Of yours, I wonder.

Wouldn't it peel,

Right off your face,

And then, dribble

Unto nowhere,

Leaving you nude-

Every crinkle on your face

mirroring the hatred,

The spite,

That you nurture in your soul-

And in that ugly nudity,

Wouldn't your reflection

Scare yourself?

And then,

Where would you be?

An Ode To A Friend

I could not but be. I know.

I may not awaken to

Each dawn

With your memory-

Yet, not a day

Passes by,

When, forgotten,

You are.

I know, I could not but be.

In every joy, I may not

Wish to call out to you.

But in every tear,

I miss you.

Devoid of your smile,

Your words,

I feel hollow.

I could not but be. I know.

I may not think of you

In a crowd.

But in the solitude of me,

I find that space

Bleeding,

Where only you,

And you could be.

I know. I could not but be.

In the selfishness

Of a moment,

I let go, of you,

And our yesterdays-

To clutch onto

The tomorrows,

I dreamt of.

I could not but be. I know.

This stranger, I am

Today, has lost a friend.

But the friend

That you have always been

Would forever be.

Sorry, I could not be more-

Sorry, I could not but be.

Languor

Rhapsodical, this music
Of delving headlong
Into the hidden depths
Of you, and me-
Living through this state
Of entangled desires
Laced with molten dreams
Dripping-

Plop!

The ripples grow, seamless,
Dissolving us,
Into a million-pixel portrait.
And the music ebbs away
Pulled under-
As though choking,
Into a breathless rapture.

And as we resurface once again,
Into the placid countenance
Of ourselves-
There seems no haste to chase
The glitter, or swoon to the melody.
Instead, we turn onto our own
Dipping away
Into the comfort of the self.

Yet, in all languor,
This lazy love sustains itself.
And there is nothing
I wish for-
Than, this complacency,
Of knowing-
This is forever to last.

Debt

There, beyond the days of yore
Lies an urn, of plastered mud
Smoking.
I hold my hands away
Reaching down
To feel the heat.
Plunging into pain has never been hard
For,the crippling childhood scar
Shielding from any molten hurt-
They spread all over
Fuming acidulous blisters.

And then as the cyanotic blues
Strangle me to breathlessness
I peep into the urn,
And I see a reflection of hope-
And I gasp, and choke.
Tart odorous fumes annihilate
The venom of its own kind,
And I resurface,
Swallowing a mouthful
Of air.

Living is often a debt-
Either to life, or to death.

...smile :)

As though barefoot,

Tiptoeing in, with

A mystic silence, eerie;

Waiting to burst forth

Into a pink tickle,

A blossom

Of a blush.

Creeping in

Effortlessly

Without no pretense

And no intricacy,

Easing away

All the worries

Until it broke away

Into a cherubic smile...

...sometimes, life is as simple as it could be!!

If Not For You...!

In The Music Of You,
I Paint A Dream.

As The Symphony Flows Over
Like a brook,
My brush throws in
A myriad of fresh colours.

And Out Of Nowhere,
The reds and blacks and whites
Melt into a silhouette
Of You.

As I Watch Your Eyes Draw In
The music of my brush -
I gasp.

In Your Eyes I Find My Dream,
Dipped in hues I'd never known to exist.
If not for you,
My heart sings out aloud.

If Not For You...!

Insane Musings

After a while,

I gulp down my uncertainties
To wield my quill, and strike a note.
Yes, strike a tune it does -
My muse always does sing out a scream
And choke me down, often.
Yet, born out of my soul, I cradle
the monster; holding it in.
I fear for its existence,
Lest you want harm to befall
And celebrate the joy of a demise.

Maternal empathy longs to shout
And attack, to protect a sliver of my genes
But, every time I try to cuddle close
I find myself bitten hard.
A bleeding vaporous pain engulfs
And I hear shrieks of I-warned-you.
Yet, I cradle my tears
And kiss my muse soft,
Hoping it would quit resisting me
Praying you could decipher
Its thoughts, like I do,
And not tear its limbs apart
Screaming of insanity.

Oh, my muse, my insane muse.
I fear its plight,
And once again I strangulate it
In the prison of my soul-
And wipe the parchment blank.

So Long...!!

Its been quite a while that I've been thinking of doing this - A Final Note, a Goodbye. I have reached a stage of life where I have lost the inspiration to write or read or do anything related to it. I have joined for my masters. And I want to make the best use of the opportunity. And since most of the networking and blogging sites are blocked at college, I wouldn't be frequent in this space anymore, I guess. I am sad, for losing touch with people who have been a part and parcel of my life, all through the past 2-3 years. Also it makes me sad that I am not the same person I used to be, too. I don't miss anything by not writing. I don't miss anything by not reading. I don't miss anything of this space today. I don't want to forget anyone from this virtual world. And I don't want to remember anyone from this world too. Guess I need to come into terms with this whole goodbye scenario! Well, I feel that its one of the good things. Makes one realize how attached one has been to someone or something :)

I would like to thank each and everyone of you. Your comments have always been a constant encouragement for me to pen down my thoughts! Thank you, once again. Over and over again. Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't. Either ways, I'd be happy. And I know, I'd fade away (or already must have) into the backdrop of some faint memory of your life, the virtual realm of it; to be wiped off, with time. But am glad, I have been there, be it for a mere moment! That's what makes living all this worthwhile :) Love to everyone! Prayers, always :) God bless!!

Don't want to sign off with a Goodbye. So let me say So Long...Until we meet again!! :)

Orison

During the period of ache
When the Trust falters,
Things turn Grey,
And there is bitterness profound,
Anger fumes its way unto oneself,
Charring all the Hope,
And every ounce of Faith.
Yet, You patiently ever so wait
Just until I've crossed the bridge
And as I acknowledge a faint note of relief
Your aura vaporizes
Into the untouched skin of consciousness.
And, wiped off, once again,
You bury thy self,
Deep.

Why do I turn to You in pain?
And why do You come to me,
Always, and forever?

Silent Regret

The pinprick of that pain
Has left its trace.

Unheeded-
I'd hoped, it would fade away
Unto the realm
Of a painless existence,
Adorned, in a backdrop
Of fresh hues
Of life.

But, I now know,
It'd never be.
Priceless nostalgia now asks its price
And scruples drench
In the ink of silent regrets.

Today, as I wipe away thy name,
From the tapestry of my life's worth,
I feel the bland taste
Churning my insides
And I twinge,
In a muted agony.

It matters not, that I am hurt.
All that matters now,
Is that, I never did matter to thee.

I wish I could smile, still -
For all those fond memories.
But tainted, it lies -
Like a bundle of unwoven dreams.

Dollop of Dreams

Gathered a dollop of your dreams
I did, without letting you know-
Not that you'd notice.
In the crowded lane of life's worth
I always adorned a tainted shade
Merging in, with the backdrop
Of a blemished sepia tone.

The dreams splurged in glee
Rooting for you,
And ever so gentle, I fondled
The woollen softness, of you.
Never did you notice your pensieve light
And those bubbling effervescences
Mattered not.

I whispered to the wingless dreams
To float and glide.
And breath in, I did
My futile love song-
In faith that you'd be kept safe,
And knowing it true,
You'd never even notice it so.

Those Birds...

As the drops of heaven
Glistened
In moist splendour,
Off her sensous lips curved,
Dripping-

He felt those birds fly off,
Disturbing.

The dimness of the night
Betrayed nothing of him
As he whispered to the calm
The downtroddn melody
Of a hallucination-

Damn those birds,
He muttered.

Blinded by the lightening flash
of her smile,
He nudged in, closer.
Her lips drew him in,
surrendering to the feel
of passion.

Those birds! Ouch! Let go Let go,
He cried out.

Dribbled fresh, her blood fresh.
Her eyes wide in shocked horror,
And she moved away.
He held her wrist tight,
Pulling her into an embrace.

Those birds again, he yelped in agony,
And he writhed, in seizured pain.

Pulling herself up, she moved out
Far and away-
Turning back no more.
As he succumbed to the attack
Of those birds,
Ferocious-

The birds of guilt,
Of fear,
Of himself,
And-

The other her.

Spite

The snake sneaked in
Shuddering
A silken sigh.
I felt the vomit
Urging its way out
And I tried not to
Let it run amok
In a frenzied charm.

The endless pangs
Of venom
Rioted in me;
As I saw your shadow
Fade away
Once again,
And all I knew-
I wanted to sting.

The hatred thrill
Drowned the plastic smiles
Of everyday;
And the need to hit
Grew louder, wrenching,
Almost like a bleating goat.
And I tried to stiffle
My own scream.

The betrayed soul
Longing to avenge itself.
Betrothed to destroy
I live, ever alert.
Hoping that maybe,
The shadow
Would materialise
Out of nowhere.

And with not a drop of toxin,
But mere spite-
Venomous spite,
I'd find you wither,
And falter,
Breathing your last.
And then,
I shall find my smile.

SongBird

O' song bird of mine
Sing me a nascent tune today.
Let me dance and swirl along
Like a wisp of the hanging orb
Dripping into you.

In the dainty desert solitude
I sculpt a dream dune
Of passion, buried.
In the heat of the moment,
I scoop a handful of sand
So gleaming gold.

As the loneliness screeches
A shrill note,
I block my ears, lest I rupture
My eardrums, and remain deaf
To your symphony.

O' song bird of mine
I hear your muted sonnets
Rustling.
As I awaken myself to your melody
I find the sand slipping away,
And I hear nothin, no more.

I wonder,
Would you sing to me,
Once again?

My Futile Tune...!

I shall whisper to the winds
All about those times
When I longingly waited for you.
Day after day, I waited
Whispering a futile tune.
(You never came,
But, matter not, it does- now.)

I shall rinse the rains with my soul
As I often did.
The rain always did taste salty,
Or was it just me?
The tears never welled
Nor did it pour out from my heart.
(You never understood,
Not that it matters- now.)

The mahagony tree shall grow old
Ebbing the weakened pulse
Of mine.
I wish I knew the tree song
To sing out loud
To you- a lullaby soft.
(You never listened,
And, nothing matters- now.)

I often stay back after dusk,
Under the shade,
And I whisper to the winds,
The lullaby soft-
But, you never would know.
Not even when you feel my tears
Fall upon your skin;
You fathom it to be the lissome rains,
Don't you?
(Not that it matters- now.)

But still, I wish...!

O Chrysalis...!

O Chrysalis, never taint your wingless dreams,yet.
Never laugh out aloud before your voice finds base
And never haste to bloom forth, to be born infirm.

Life could often take away, all that worth of you
And often, most often, you'd gain more than the loss.
Yet, in all uncertainty, I ask-
Why, ache for the phocomelic desires,
Thwarted much before it sprouted wings?
Or, were it antlers?

Oh, mysterious perils and lopsided faith,
Why do I smile, always?

Ah! Tampered Warnings!

O Chrysalis, never drop your veil, out into the open.
Never shed your pupal scars, lest it wipe off your existence,
And no longer hide, when it is already too late.

Life may play peek-a-boo, yet camouflage not.
And do not ever drape the skin of exoticism,
Lest the goodwill hunt turn sour,
And I find you nectar less, shriveled?
Or should I exaggerate
And cry murder, foul?

Oh, defile thoughts and tarnished scruples,
Why do you make me twinge, always?

Ah! Unadulterated Guilt.