Help...

PART-1

Lurking,
Behind the curtains,
You are.

I know.

Don't you try... No! No!
You can't fool me,
Not this time...

Did you just move? I know-
You did.

Why?

In the dark, you hide-
Waiting to pounce on me,
I know-

Dad, why? You did kill mom,
And now-
You want to feast, on me.

Help! Help!
I wish I could yell.
But my voice seems lost-
Oh! Why did you choke me that night?

No! No! Don't come into the open.
I will kill,
Trust me... I will.


PART- 2

Nasty; your thoughts, insane;
Voices tell me, often.
I sit back,
Sweat breaking.

Dad, just hold me close-
Am scared;

Of the dark-
The night-
The light-
The flowers-
The stars-
The water-
The bed-
The mirror-

Am afraid,
Of you-
At times.

I miss mom, so often,
That I wish I could kill-
Her;
For leaving me, alone.

Oh, She is already dead,
Isn't she?

Dad, save me-
Oh dad, please save me-

from...?


PART- 3

Get off me-
I feel the cobwebs,
Hugging me, tight.

A bind-
Not letting go.

I know.

Dad is still there,
Hidden under the cot,
Waiting-

For me to sleep.

To gently, come out-
And choke me,
To death...

Just as, he killed mom.

I still remember, stark.

Shriek

I can't sit, idle;
Nor can I be calm-
Dad, just leave me alone;
Let me be...


PART-4

How my heart pains-
To see the fright,
The terrible fear-
In your eyes.

Unknowing,
Oblivious, you-
Achingly I stand back-
Unable to touch,
To hold,
To console-

For, you fear,
Everything-
And everyone-
Even your shadow, stark.

Dear one,I know-
You are haunted,
By your mom's death.
So am I-
Just try to understand.

Oh, how I wish-
You'd let go, of your fear,
And let me help-

But alas! One split second gone,
And you are never you, again.

My daughter dear,
Your schizophrenic eyes-
They search in the vacuum,
For pieces-
Of you,

And me-
But, in vain.

Pity!

You never do realize-


Its you who choked her, that night.

No shadow, no me-
Its just you-
Always has been-

Just you.

Dear one,
I'll save you,
From all prying eyes-

Just let me...

Blooming Snow

Trembling frame;
His anemic soul-
Bled.

Trailing along,
Blood spattered-
Leaving behind,
Red prints,
On the snow-
Footprints.

The winter chills,
Cloaked his self-
With warmth.

The snow-
It held his weight,
A support.

Walking on,
The misty December's morn,
It turned cyanotic -
His soul thirsty,
Frost settling all over.

Aching limbs,
He held on-
Pulling himself up,
He walked-

Carrying the Corpse,
Onto the graveyard,
Hidden under-

Waiting for the sun drops,
To melt the snow,
To bury his Love-

Deep.

(The snow, had after all, Bloomed-

Red...

...Stained, in his Love.)

Kathak

Kathak-

In swaying grace,
A tale, foretold.

References to
The abhinaya-nritya art,
In Mahabharata-
It gained its hold,
In the Mughal reign;
Given the final shape,
By Nawab Wazid Ali Shah-

The glorious era of art.

Grace-

It shines,
Off her nimbled frame,
Every vibe,
Every move-
Hers.

The Ghungroo sings-
A note,
Of its own.
And her limbs,
Follow suit,
Playing along,
The music,
Of the Bansuri-

Melodious.

Footwork-
Mesmerizing,
Brisk steps,
Elegance stark-
Enigmatic.

Tukra-
A short tale,
Enacting in all beauty,
Her eyes evocative,
Polished nuances,
Ever so alluring.

Vandana-

The invocation,
To Gods;
From Thaat to Salaami;
Kavit to Ladi,
Her charm shines.

Ever lithe-
In all finesse-
She dances on,
And on-

The ever entrancing kathak!

Her Golden Kite

She stood,
On the wooden plank,
Waiting-

Her little hands,
Held a string,
The twine stretching,
Across the horizons,
Maneuvering,
Her golden kite.

Tear streaks, dried up,
Ran along her cheeks.
Reddish hue,
Her diamond face adorned.

The evening sun,
Seemed to watch - her.

Playing,
Along the shores,
A walk along the sea line,
Her tender supple feet,
Wet-
Her anklets, chiming-
The ballads of life-
Innocent.

It was then, that, she saw-
The kite seller-
Walking over to her,
A trail of colors following.

Teary eyed, she pleaded,
For the golden kite-
At last, give in,
Did her grandpa.
Smiling hard, she ran-
Her kite, flying safe,
Her soul soaring along.

Her laughter echoed,
In the silence of all the din.
The sun-
He smiled, at the glow-
Hers.
And gently, he bowed down.

Into the seas-
A plop.
The sky turned golden-
Her kite merging,
The colors blending.

The waves lashing beneath,
The golden skies shining above,
The breeze hugging her tight,
The sun peeping at her, from the seas,
The moon, shying away, from her innocence.

And she,
Stood waiting,
On that wooden plank-

The kite and the nature in unison-
They sang her a lullaby-
And she smiled-
Her toothless grin.

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory dickory dock,
I let my little book down,
As I heard-
A gentle swish of the feet.

Gazing up-
The sun unusually bright,
As though, warning me-
Don't look.

The waves lashed on,
A blue calm,
And my eyes frantic-
A search.

Rustles-
I did hear, again.
And my head turned-
To find.

The sands strung out,
Invisible fumes,
Retched out-
Silver stretch of dreams.

A quick dip,
I walked over,
Into the oceans-
A plunge.

And deep in the waters,
I heard the call,
Once again-
And then, never again.

The open book-
It lay on the shore,
Soaking in the sun's fury-
An open page.

Dated forever,
It lay...

Hickory dickory dock....

Blind

The candle dimmed out-

And,
I plunged into darkness,stark.

And after a while,
The brilliance hit me square,
At my eyes.

Blinded,
I sat, in the radiance bright.

Strange-

Blind I am,
In the dark...

Blinder I am,
In the glowing light...

Hidden fear

Sometimes I feel,
Life plays her tricks,
A magician, talented,
Pulling off miracles from her hat,
Deflecting from her path.

Often, I feel...

...the rain lashes on-
Downpours vaporous,
And the droplets dry up,
Just before it touches me-
And I stand;
My soul a parch land-
Thirsty, tired and lost,
Waiting for the one drop,
Yet, I feel deprived.

Often, I feel...

...the night closes on me,
Just when i have bloomed,
And the day has just begun.
And I remain,
Blind, in sheer darkness,
Trying to pull myself up,
Groping in the pitch black,
For some unknown light-
And, I burn my hands.

Sometimes turns to often,
And often gives way to every time.
Oblivious I may be, outward-
But, I fear...

...would it give way to forever?

Would it?

Raining Proposal...

Finally!

Ah! Finally,
I have you here.

At my doorsteps,
With a bouquet,
Of roses red.
Violins playing,
In the background,
The peals of love,
Singing into me,
A soulful symphony.

On your knees,
You ease yourself,
Smiling, into me.
Heart hammering,
Against myself, so hard;
I stood, waiting-
And you held my hand,
A quick peck, soft.

My eyes gave it away-
The eagerness,
I could not hold back.
Propped on your knees,
My hand held so safe,
You asked me,
The question of a lifetime-
Would you be mine?

Smiling through tears,
I answered in glee-
oh, yes.

Things never happen as in a dream,
Life never is a fairytale lived,
And, nothing ever happens the way,
It always does, in movies galore!

But...

You did come,
Soaking wet,
Drenched in the rains,
A sheepish grin,
Adorning your face-
Adding the charm,
That soaks me in, every time,
Over and over again.

Tossing the ball at me,
You stood- a challenge.
I sure am game,
I quip-
Washed in the rains,
We play a lonely game,
A football match,
In the storming rains.

The atmosphere eclectic,
The feelings ever so true,
Smiles and frowns,
Fouls and goals,
The zeal shining in our eyes,
The swearing and bitching-
All part of the game-
Indeed, a match made in heaven!

The rain lashed on,
The time eased on-
And, you did win, after all.
Smiling wide, you come up to me,
Teasing and taunting.
Making faces, I stood, fuming.
Tossing the ball at me-
Marry me, loser, will you?
You popped the question.

The ball, I never caught.
The question ringing in my ears-
I stood, drenched, in your love.

Picking the ball, all smiles-
I toss it back, at you, teasing.
I never had to give you the answer-
You always knew.
Lets have one more game,
You shout.

I gave in-
The raindrops running all over me.

You came over,
Held me dripping wet-
Will you?
Magnetizing a gaze,
Breath ever so racy-

Yes I quipped,
Provided, you let me win-
I teased, kicking the ball hard.

The game never went to completion-
As the rains lashed on, and on...

Beloved

The crowd, it just grew-
A vicious circle,
Circumference ever widening.

I felt your hands,
Grope mine-
Ever so gentle,
You held onto me.

And, I felt safe.

Amidst the bustling horde,
We moved on-
Ever cautious,
Hand in hand.

The clatter went on, and on-
Decibels of magnitude, high,
And I felt you tremble.

Gently, I pulled you close,
Into my arms.
And you stayed,
Ever so calm.

And I led the way, ahead.

Delivering you, safe,
I let go of your hand,
And you sat down,
Across the alienated space.

Words of assurance,i didn't offer-
No matter what,
I knew, I had no choice, but leave.

Walking away,
I felt your gaze pull me,
A gentle sob,
Escaped your lips.

And I turned back, to you.

Your moist eyes-
Pouring into me-
A gentle tug, at my heart,
And I walked over to you.

The softest peal of your voice-
"Don't leave me..."
I sat down, on my knees, near you.

Your arms went round me,
Sobbing, tears flowing down-
You drench my shirt,
In all your love.

And I pulled back, smiling.

A gentle peck,
On your little red nose,
Promises to be back,
To take you home, I gave.

Walking back, I never looked back,
For I could never see your sad eyes,
Uttering your muffled cry-

Be it your first day at kindergarten...

The stench

Nooks and corners,
Winding ways, galore.

I walk on.

The path turned creepy,
The windings steep,
And my hands groped,
For support.

Slimy, I felt myself slip.

I walk on.

The darkness crept in.
The crepuscular charm,
No longer appealed,
To my senses.

The journey held no flambeau,
To lead my way forth. It never did.

I walk on.

And, then I felt so near,
My heart jackhammered at me,
And I sat down,
Cross legged.

A frantic search, my hands did.

And then- I felt, her.

I wanted to-
Touch her soft,
My hands feeling her.
But, I couldn't.

Withered, she lay.

Deceased, putrefying,
Inconceivable distortion.
I could hold myself steady, no more.

And, I walked on,
Oblivious to her fragrance,
Of once-

For, my senses knew-
Just her putrefying odour-
The stench.

I wish, I could let you know-
I did love you,
Earnest.

But, now -
All that fills me today-

The stench.

And, I walk on...

Strip Tease

His eyes-
They hogged at her.
Aimlessly-
They wandered all over her.

Cloaked in layers,
She stood-
Feeling naked,
Shivering under his gaze.

Smoke swirls-
Spread from his lips,
And the cigar stump-
Lay forgotten near his feet.

Heart hammering,
She stood, her gaze lowered,
Feeling the heat-
Pierce harder than his glare.

Lips smacking-
He looked over at her,
Slipping her off her covers-
A mental erection.

Her eyes held her pain,
Staggered forward,
She fell flat, a log-
And he felt impotent, for life.

The pain

Blisters.

Eruptions,
They just rise,
And fill up,
Viscous,
Watery-

The pain.

Boils,
Grains of flame.
All over,
Molten pain,
Surging-

The pain.

Papules,
Or pustules,
Of simmering pus,
The heat burns,
Intolerable-

The pain.

Words,
Mere strings,
Of legible speech,
Burning in,
Flaming hot-

The pain.

Helpless,
Hit by the words,
Sharper than arrows,
Venom oozing,
Toxic than poison-

The pain.

Relentless pain,
It fumes on.
Once hurled at,
The pain just burns,
Embers hot, flame less-

The pain.

And, the pain grows,
Burning the oil of life,
Gnawing,
silently,
until-

It kills.

The blisters...
...the pain.

Darn, I lost my guy!

"Darn! Am just too late",
I realize in a pang.
Out of my bed,
Shrieking loud,
I run to the bathroom.

Damn! Damn! Damn!
My little brother,
Well comfy in there.

"Hey jerk, get the hell out,
Am already late"

"Oh yeah, sis,
Learn to be in time,
Or else,
Just wait for your turn"

"Holy crap... "
I mutter in disgust.
Tooth brush in hand,
I move to the wash,
Two seconds of brushing,
And then a quick rinse.
"Am done."

Off to the bath, finally,
I give him a pound,
A good knock at his ribs.

"Now on, I hope,
You'd shut the hell up"
I yelled.

Showering abuses,
He walked away.

A quick shower,
And then the hunt for my dress.
The white brilliant silk,
Laces and frills,
Flowing satins and beads of white.

Fitting into the gown,
I blow dry my hair.

"Oh crap, my hair!!!
It seems to have over dried,
For its as crisp as mom's cookie"

No time to waste,
I hop in to my car,
A drive along the highway,
A few bumps, here and there.

And, finally there!!!!

I get down, smooth my gown,
Comb my hair,
A dab of blusher,
A touch of color to my lips.

I gracefully walk over,
My lady like gait,
So well practiced,
For this special day!

I find the eyes many,
Watching over.
Murmurs of disapproval,
I hear them utter.

I walk over,
smiling hard,
Trying not to tremble.

And then,
I saw him-
Dressed in his best suit,
Handsome and shining,
He stood.

I contained the urge,
To run over to him.
And I walked in grace,
Towards the altar,
Where he stood.

"But...excuse me,
whats the bitch doing next to my guy?"
I asked aloud.

"Sorry my dear,
You were late,
And I married your bridesmaid"
He answered, in a hush hush tone!

I stared at him in disbelief,
And I found the many witnesses,
Nodding their heads in approval.

"Ohh crap! Now what do I do?"
Sweat breaking, heart wrenching,
I stared on...

...my guy and his new lady...

"I better buy a new alarm, after all"
I muttered to myself,
And walked away!

Tringgggg Tringggg Tringggggg!

"Ohh crap... That was a dream?!?!?
Phew!!! Goodness gracious!"

Anyways, I better be not late..."

....zooooooooommmmmmmmmm!!!!!

After all...

Hush!

I wished to scream out loud,
To let you know-

Am tired of this fuss.

Why do we have to fight,
All day long,
And every single night?
Oh! Why?

I wish we'd stop this charade,
The sleepless nights,
And tear streaked days-
I just can't go no more.

Remember,
Those days, of being together,
The sense of belonging,
The passion and the love?

Every new tantrum,
Every little row,
And we end up-
Miles apart.

Distance!

It grows,
Thriving on our fray,
Deriving strength,
From our hurt.

And I fear,
One day, the pain would cease,
The hurt would subside,
And we'd be poles apart.

Looking over,
At your silhouette,
I realize I can't let you go.

I need you.

And however you be,
How much ever you yell,
Whatever you do, and say -

I know, its just a matter of time,
I know, you'll come around.

It's just you,
After all!

Missing you...

Wordlessly,
In my silence,
It gnaws.

Thriving,
In the parch lands,
Of my soul,
It strays-

The very feel,
Of-

Missing,

Y

o

u.




My vacant eyes-
They stare on,
A flicker of hope,
Surviving.

Looking out,
Through the windows,
My heart hums,
A melancholy note.

Oh, don't you think,
Its been, a tad too long?
This absence,
It kills.

I wish,
I could let you know,
There's nothing more,
I could wish for.

All I long for,
Is-

Y

o

u.



Oh, how I miss you!

Come home-
Soon.

I really miss you,
I swear-

I do.

Lateral inclination

I crawled over,
A snail's pace,
And yet,
The sweat broke,
Dripping,
Leaving a trail...

... a trail,
Of my living,
The existence,
The errs,
And the wins.
All over...

... all over;
I felt the heat,
Sprinkled hot,
The fire in me,
It broke, erupted,
Into flames...

...flames,
Of shed desire,
Of burnt dreams,
Of tear droplets,
Of soul's secrets,
Ah! ashes...

...ashes,
Silvery smoke,
Fuming in swirls.
But, to rise from ashes,
I ain't any phoenix,
Ah! pity...

...ah! pity, indeed.
(And, I crawl on...)

Fixation

The little rain drops,
That gently befell,
All over me-

I tried to hold them in,
Captured in my palm.

Leaking away,
The droplets fell,
All the way down-

Along my feet,
And the earth soaked it in.

Softened mud,
It pulled me in,
And pooled in, I stood-

How could the few droplets,
Shake my grounds, ruin my faith?

The rain lashed on,
No fury, no rage,
Yet, a constant pace-

And I stood, knee deep,
Soaked in the dampen soil.

Arms open,
The rain cleansing me off,
I waited, for the sun drops-

To rinse me off, warm my soul,
And wait for the solid mud to crack-

To let me free,
To let my anchor not waver,
To have my feet firm, on the ground...

Worded.

Rapture!

Endless laughter,
Cradled in the warmth,
Of the all knowing glances-

Of theirs.

Contempt!

It breeds,
A veronica of the gardens,
Weeding venom in the minds-

Of ours.

Ecstasy!

Radiance prevails,
Amidst the torturous strings,
Winding and unwinding, it stays-

Ever classically, mine.

Treachery!

The stabs of hurt,
And the doer of it, both,
They survive together, for good or bad-

They do, but, never me.

Ephemeral!

The feelings and emotions,
The doings and undoings!
Insanity strikes after a sane thought, does it not?

Ah! Unfathomable- life, theirs and mine!

Often...

Often,
The breeze ushers the windows open,
And shatters the glass panes.

And very often,
I try hard to pick up the pieces,
Trying to gather the remnants.

And more often,
I fail, miserably so, in mending them,
And i sit back, an open frame, a hollow.




.

Oh, would you?

Let me ask you tonight,

Would you smile,
Just this once,
Deep from your heart,
Your very smile-

Like,

The blossom of buds,
Its reddish hue, spreading in.

The gentle snowy clouds,
Flocking along like golden fleece.

The chirping ballads of birds,
Cooing in coy, joyous notes.

The velvety darkness stark,
With sprinklers of stars adorned.

The pink fluffy baby skin,
Ever so soft, tender and dear.

The sunset beauty, warming on,
Its golden red hue, astral.

The pristine dew drop, glowing
On the green leaflets, lit by sun drops.

The music of the waves, lashing on,
Across the sands of time, eternal.

The wind chimes of life, tinkles,
In every breath, every breeze, ever.

Your smile-
It fills me up,
With all joys of a lifetime.

Dear one,
Why are you so silent tonight,
When the whole sliver of my eternal desire,
Hangs on the thread of your mere existence?

Oh, tell me,
Would you not smile, just this once,

In all abandon, in all purity, in all love?

Oh, would you not, brighten up my life,
And clear away all the darkness, ever, forever?

Oh, would you?

At the attic...

I walked up the stairs,
Once again,
After a very long time.

Ever special, the winding stairways,
And I walked on,
Stopping at the wooden doorway.
Intricate carvings,
Of eons ago,
It shone amidst the dim light.

Pushing open,
I entered into the pitch black space,
Cobwebs hugging me tight,
Sticking all over me,
As though speaking a billion words,
Of an era bygone.

I walk, further in,
Pulling off the spider webs,
And I lit the candle, bright.

Dust rose, shining,
As I touched the oakwood desk-
The desk, that held my past memories,
The many letters i penned, atop,
And the many tears it soaked in,
Forever, my thoughts captured.

Moving on, I pried open,
The old trunk, that lay hidden,
Beneath the many layers of paper,
To find that very fabric, I loved,
The fragrance of yesterdays,
Welling in, deep.

I walk on, brushing off the dust,
Lighting up the darkest of corners,
Brightening up, once again.

Hours and hours,
Of rummaging through the junk,
Dirt and dust allover,
Shining beads of sweat breaking in.
And I gather the old souvenirs,
Their fresh aroma, soothing me.

Gently, I pull down the shades,
And I walk down, filthy and dripping-
Gathered in my arms,
The little doll of mine, the golden silk scarf,
The broken fountain pen, the newspaper cuttings,
And the fragrant childhood of mine.

Walking down the spiral stairways,
I feel lofty, and ever so calm, in delight,
Back from my little escapade, at the attic...

Crystal Memories...

Cherished, forever so-
A gift, of yours, dear,
Unlike the many,
Treasured in my soul.
Holding it ever so close,
Memories flooding me,
I have hugged it to sleep,
Almost every single night.

It has soaked in my tears,
Captured every little smile,
Wept along, often,
And cheered me up,
At many a times.
Miles apart, you were,
A gift, deep from your heart,
You had sent me, ages ago.

I still remember clear,
The day, I hopped in glee,
As I held the package close,
Adorned in love.
I looked on at the new stamps,
From across the seas-
And ever so gentle,
I pried open the golden wrap.

My eyes played a trick,
It welled in tears, off the sudden,
And I could picture your teasing grin,
And I let out a laugh.
Holding the crystal souvenir,
I could see your face,
All over, shining, in all love.
And I smiled,
Knowing you, Feeling you.

Today, as I look down,
At the tiny fragments,
Of what seems our past,
A drop of tear, rolls down.
As I bend down to pick up,
The shattered pieces of glass,
I prick myself, ever so light,
And a drop of blood trickles down.

Gazing at the remnants,
Of a dream, a lost lifetime-ours.
Mingled in tears and blood,
It shines, glittering like your eyes.
Far away, in the heavens abode,
You reside, looking over, at me, ever.
And the only physical reminder,
Of yours- shattered, it lay on my palm.

Holding back the surge of tears,
I try to join the pieces up, anew,
But in vain-
Newer waves of despair, crashes on,
And I let it on-
As time paces on, I wonder stark-
Would my memories shatter away,
Would your glassy silhouette crack, ever?

I pick up the broken pieces,
Placing them, on satin white,
Gently, i tie them up-
Locked away.
I have lost the only string,
Binding us- bathed in your touch,
Ever fragrant in your love,
And yet, I smile.

For, now I realize it deep,
No materialistic pleasure,
No token from your life-
Could ever flare up our love.
Its just the memories, that remain,
And I have just had them all-
Rekindled-
In me.