Untitled

Touch me,
Just this once,
Hold me in your arms
And soothe me off my worries,
Tell me of your love.

I know,
It seems so silly-
After all this while,
I still feel insecure,
And beg you to shower
Affection unrestricted.

But...

How do I let you know,
Words fail to reproduce my feel-
I fear not,
Nor do I doubt-
Your love.

Yet...

It feels a vacuous silence,
When you and I,
Forget to show-
To emote our feel-
Our untainted love.

You do understand,
Don't you?

I know, you do.

(And, you know it too)

Come! Lets cuddle so close,
And share this popcorn treat-
And dip into a dream,
Watching your favorite movie-

(Yet again...

...sigh!)

Well, you can't win everything, right?

Your Masterpiece

The canvas shone,
In the astral glow-
Of the many colors,
And hues-
Merging.

Strokes that stand out,
The brush lines that blend,
The lifeless portrait,
That touches deep-
Into me.

Dipped in red, I held the brush,
And gave a swishing stroke,
Over the subtle yellow shade-
The canvas shone-
A crimson.

The sunbeams touch over,
Soaking in the colors,
And as I watch my budding child,
I find my canvas turn dry-
Crisp and crumpling.

The brightest light showered its fury,
And the astral hues, dulled,
The still born child of mine,
Dried up, soul oozed out-
Lifeless.

Rage filled me up with tears,
And I held the paint palette,
In my hand, a violent shade.
Random swish-swashes-
A step back.

Watching the lifeless portrait
Shine, its bleeding gash
Re-opened.
No, its not hate, nor is it anger,
Its just hurt.

The hurt of giving birth-
To a still born,
And the fury at my fate
Forcing me-
To see you bleed,
Lifeless,
Mutilated.

Artistic license,
A mother's hurt-

Your masterpiece.

Untitled

Engaged.
.
.
.
The time just passed, quick-

Until the bells began to ring.

Captured,

A moment-
.
.
.
Endless.

Bitter- Sweet ( A tanka)

The rapids lovely,
Endlessly it flows on,
Running all along,
The petals, silky soft-
My tears, bitter-sweet.

Eternal Flight (A Tanka)

Letting in the breeze,
Eternity seeping in-
Lovely arms outstretched,
Perched up on her toes, she rose-
Like a phoenix soaring high!

Ah! Marital Bliss!

The once-in-a-lifetime occasion,
Finally curtains drawn,
And stepping into a new space,
A fresh page of life's diary-
Awaiting.

Boundless joy and heartfelt love,
As the curtains finally fell,
To let, the day out,
And the night in-

Step in, we did-
Into the spacious new room,
All adorned,
Decor shining.

A king's bed in red and gold,
Carpets of shiny glitz,
Curtains of silk-
Adorned in all splendor,
Awaiting us.

Our feet never took us to the bed,
Halting mid way,
We stood, looking at one another,
And then, the gaze fell down,
Hungrily.

Eager and anxious,
We smiled in excitement-
Ever so gently, we pried open-
The wraps-
Of silk and gold.

One by one, the coverings shed,
Our gazes lingering,
Embellishments removed,
We went on-
Grinning and smiling.

And finally, when all undone-
We watched in awe,
Gasping at the beauty,
We sat-

Counting, one by one-

Every wedding gift,
Showered upon us.

Tired, exasperated and satiated,
We fell into a deep slumber,
On the shining red carpet anew.

Ah! Marital bliss!

First time...

"Let go,
Just let go-

Close your eyes,
And free your limbs-
Let the breath fill,
And rush in through-

Let go, my dear,
Just let go-"

.
.
.
.

"Oh, but I cant,
The fear, it terrorizes-
Freezing me,
And I just wish,
To hang in there-

Don't let go-
Just don't let go of me."

.
.
.
.

"No, no-
Its time, to go-
To let you free,
To see you flap your wings,
And soar high-
Into the azure skies."

.
.
.
.

And then,
He gave a gentle push-

And she felt the push-
Her soul leaping in fear,
Eyes firm shut, heart beating fast-
She felt herself hurled,
Off the ground,
And into the open.

.
.
.
.

"Open your eyes dear,
Just open up-
And let the breeze fill you,
And the skies sing to you-
Open your eyes, baby,
Just open up."

.
.
.
.

Gentle, yet ever so hesitant,
She opened her eyes-
Squinting in the new light,
And then opening up.
Slowly,
She looked out into the open-

The world at her feet,
The skies her abode,
The breeze filling her up,
Beauty, at its best.

Soaring high-
She felt the thrill,
The joy of sprouting wings,
And flying along in glee-

Ecstasy.

.
.
.
.

And gently,
She looked down-

And waved out,
To her dad, who stood-
Smiling in all love,
Watching his little one-

Soar high,
On her swing-
Her very first time.

Fulfilled

Today,
As I look out into the open-
Everything seems just the same,
Yet in vibrant hues, I see the world.

And,

Time seems a pain, teasing me,
Forcing me to slip into a dream world,
Over and over.
Even when I am immersed,
In conversations deep-
I slip,
Into-

y
o
u.

And,

I smile unknowingly, each time,
I think of-

y
o
u.

The solitaire shines in the bright daylight,
And it does wink in the darkness bright.
And I wait, boundlessly-
Counting the days,
Weaving dreams,
And living them-
Over and over.

Time may not speed by,
But the desire and the yearning does-

To be together,
To be yours-
Rightfully.

The longing to wake up into a new dawn,
With you beside,
Tussled hair, and puffy eyes-
Sheepish grin,
And love dripping.

Sweet little nothings, ain't it?

And,

I smile unknowingly, each time,
I think of-

y
o
u.

Ah! yet again, am caught smiling,
I know.

(Grin)

Fulfilled.

So...

So, tonight,
Let the breath get choked,
In the silence of the din-

And so,
Let the mirth of the moment,
Swallow the rising lump-

And so,
Let tonight be a night,
Where the soul meets its destiny.

And veil down the uncertainty,
A chance-
To seize the moment, tonight.

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The waves-

They move,
Sensuously awakened.
A touch soft,
A murmur delightful.

The warm embrace,
And the sudden arousal-
The need,
And the edge of passion.

A crescendo-
It rose, just to subside.
And rise again,
Larger than life-

And then,
To break off-

Into a million little pearl drops.

Satiated calm-
An aftermath.

Yet the calm never prevails,
Does it?

My crooked smile

As I look into the crystal clear mirror
Spotless in gleam
I find the lines on my face
Fade away
And all I see is a crooked smile.

And all I see is my crooked smile.

When all the world goes against me
I know-
That crooked smile, would always remain
No matter what
It shines on sparling clear.

And all I see is my crooked smile.

Aged face and fading grace
Nothing remains
And all I long for is some space
To be on my own
To be firm and smile my crooked smile.

And all I see is my crooked smile.

Anger when it strikes at my face
I walk over
And smashing the mirror
Into silvery shreds-
Every shred flashing my crooked smile.

And all I see is my crooked smile.

(In)sane Love...

"Gerroff me-
Don't touch my baby,
Just don't you dare."

Her eyes spat fire,
And glaring at all,
She held the bundle close,
Protective maternal instincts-
Fierce.

The slack bundle,
Made of patched rags-
Tied firm, onto her breasts.
She clutched onto it,
A frantic attempt,
At self preservation.

Her eyes moved on,
Anxious and frightened,
Across every face in the bus-
(Each of which displayed contempt)
Yet, her attention never wavering,
From her baby.

"Oh mamma is here darling,
None can take you away from me.
Awww don't cry...mamma's right here...
Its all right, baby... its all right..."

She cooed and cajoled-
Smiling in sheer innocence,
And the next second a deep fear,
Encompassing her senses,
And she'd clutch onto the bundle,
Hanging on, as if for life.

Sitting across the driver's seat,
I couldn't but see the baby dear-
I wondered f its a girl or a boy,
And I felt my heart go out-
In sheer helplessness, i watched.

I saw the little rattle in her hands,
Which she shook ever so often,
In all love-
Maybe, just to see her little one smile.
Her clothes were drab and old handovers,
I guessed.
Yet, the rattle shone, in all brilliance.

Sitting back-
Marvelling on a love so pure,
I watched the pair, for a long long time.
And then, i stood up, to get down,
And I peeked into the bundle cloth-

And I saw-
A teddy bear, brown;
To which she sang a lullaby,
Deep from her heart.

The bus moved on, with a honk-
And my head gave a spin, as i stood in awe.
The love I saw in her eyes,
Could melt even the stones-
The fear of losing her kid,
Could choke even the insensitive.

I walked on, wondering-

Was it a baby lost?
Or a baby never born?

And even today, I can not wipe off the picture,
From my mind's eye.
Nor can I help but ponder,
Ain't her love more real,
Than the many, we see today?

Indeed, it is-
The purest of love,
That the sane minds,
Ours-
Can never accept-
Or even, hope to understand.

Untitled

Prickly spine,
A trickle of blood,
And, you-

The boiling magma,
Crystalline marvels,
And, tears-

Together,
They thrive-
Endlessly.

In the acrid lush lure,
Where breathed in-
Is a puff of life.

And when the ashen silence falls-
Dried up-
It shrivels.

Unnoticed-
It may have thrived on.
Who'd have noticed?

Starry Delights!

Held the stars in my hands,
And counted them-
Marvels of a kind.

Once-
The time I saw his tears,
And offered him my little toy,
And walking back home,
A fresh tear dropped down-
Mine, not his.

And-
The time I heard my dad fume,
In anger, for my mischief naive,
Words about me being spoilt, reverberating.
And I handed back the new paint set-
And a sorry note.

Again-
The time i felt the ache of loneliness,
All alone, free like a bird,
Humming my rhymes so loud,
Yet all I could hear, echoes of my own-
Day and night.

Yeah-
The time when it felt just right,
To be on my own, aloof, in calm,
And non- existent.
And then, the anger and restraints-
And, I gave in.

Oh-
The time I finally set out,
All alone, a new journey embarked upon-
An aim steadfast, a vision stark,
And as I won my hearts desire-
A sacrifice, again.

Indeed-
The time when I beamed in joy,
The final nod of consent,
Eager and young, you and me;
And then the crash, a blackout-
Alive, a remnant- me.

Hmmm...
The time when nothing ever happened,
And everything that happened,
Seemed just so vague. Moving on,
Steadfast and loyal, I lost, just a few days-
As you say.

Cupped in my palm,
Remains a lot many more stars-
Some twinkling at me, a tease;
And some, shutting their eyes out,
Away from my gaze,
And some drenched, in my tears...

Starry delights, indeed.

Its us, dear.

Hanging up, on him-
I felt I would be calm,
Once and for good.

A moment of utter bliss,
Vengeance, but it wasn't-
Ego,
It was, in all naked splendor.

Helplessly in love,
I need him around,
To understand me,
Without my words,
To pamper me,
In his every mood.

And,
When things don't go my way-
I sulk,
And brood,
And fake.

And he'd ask me a billion times-
What?
And why?
And all I'd say" ah..nothing, nothing at all";
When all I long for-
Him to understand.

He does,
More than ever reach out,
To me, deep into me-
But at times,
It seems so vague,
And no matter what, its so hard to know-
Even with words,
Forget the silent pleas.

Time ticked on, slow as never-
My insides started to churn,
And I felt my flesh burn-

Wondering hard,
If he has tried to reach me , or not?
Waiting-
Hoping-
Yet clinging onto an ego,
So non-existent.

And after a while,
Fresh pains,
Gnaw at me,
Pulling me apart-

And I give up.

Running over to the phone,
I purposefully, had kept, so far away-
I switch it on,
And dial the numbers so dear-

Hearing his voice-
My heart gives a leap.

Relief, I can note,
In his voice deep.
Off he goes, on a spree-
Gently miffed, he makes me realize-

Its not him, or me,
Anymore-

"Its us, dear".

And I feel a calm, engulfing me-
Wordlessly, I thank him,
Wordlessly, I push away my ego-

And wordlessly, at that very moment-
Ignited a new flame-

Of total selflessness,
And sheer love.

For you...

The ease of being the real self,
With no pretenses,
And no facades;
Formality kept off, at bay-

We share ourselves.

Waiting for the evening to be;
To share the little silly events,
Of the day,
The lively repartee we share,
I rush in-
Looking for you.

At times-
For a friend, to joke around with;
At times-
A sister, to confide in;
At times-
A mom, to ask for advice;

And at all times-
I search for, just you.

Every time around-
Taken for granted, it feels-
Yet, I know, I can.
(Take it for granted, I mean)

I know-
I can put off my guards,
And speak my heart out,
And I know,
You'd listen-

More than what I really say.

I feel-
I can taunt and tease,
Ruthlessly till i tire,
And you'd retort-

A tit-for-tat, in all zeal.

I find-
I can bitch about "her",
And go ga-ga over "him",
And I know-

You'd join in with me, giggling along.

I find your words,
Soothing me when am low,
Stuck deep down in the doldrums,
I don't know, whether you know-

You make me smile, just with a mere thought.

And, I realize-
Certain bonds are meant to be;
No matter what, and no matter how,
Our hearts just search each other out-

Just as we did, amidst the hordes.

Tip-toeing into my heart,
You came in-

Letting me barge in,
Ever and forever.

To kill, or not to...?

Pushing back the covers,
I stretch out my limbs-
Ah! A pleasant warm day.

Remnants of a dream vague,
Strikes me hard,
As I pour myself a cup of hot coffee;
And I find my hands tremble,
Just so slight,
Yet, pronounced.

Poised on the window sill,
I lean over, in thought-

Capable of a kill,
Am I?
The cold blooded streak,
Does it reside,
In me?

The momentary hate,
Revulsion, and fear-
Cutting through the lifeline,
Pushing over the thin line,
Between life and death-
And watching the horror,
Of hanging on,
A slender strand between life and death-

And the ease of drowning,
Into the draught of death-

Ah! Ecstasy.

The telephone ring killing the silence-
I shiver, in fear stark,
Unable to budge,
Even an inch.

The coffee mug shook,
Trembling with my frame-

A drop of sweat dripped in.

And I sit down,
On the white marble floor-

Wondering if it smells of blood.

Untitled

I hate the sky when its a pale blue-
Call me distasteful,
I know you will.
The sun drops falling on the golden hay-
Beauty to the beholder,
But, to me, a laborer's added sweat.

The antique wooden carvings on the door-
Expenses galore,
And for what, I wonder?
The chandelier earrings she flaunts,
Brilliance that makes one blind-
How inconsiderate!

The aroma of blended coffee-
Appealing to the senses be it,
Yet, I hate the flavour.
The cobwebs of purest white hue-
Disgraceful to the dweller,
Yet, artful, in my eyes.

Why not? Why can't I be?
I know, reasons galore, you have-
To offer me.
But, none worthwhile.

And so, let me be on my own-
Let me savour the greys,
Let me breathe in the dust,
And let me rot in the luxury of anonymity.

Accusations

Baseless accusations-
Hurled at me,
Hitting me hard,
Between my eyes.

But, I did not-

I tried to mouth,
My voice lost,
In the depth of my hurt.

Fingers pointing,
At me-
I felt cornered,
Disowned,
By my very own.

Tears failed to pour-
And accusations galore.

Listen me out, will you? Just this once

My heart seemed to cry out,
Desperation, yes;
But there is more to it.

Aching lesions re-opened,
Numbness creeping in.

I once again feel the terror.

Of being stranded, amidst the crowds,
A gnawing distance-

My soul failing to reach over,
Even when I know,
You need me, still.

Laconic Brevity

The azure sky no longer promises me the stars,

Nor does the breeze croon to me, my dreams galore.

The day begins anew with the rooster's cry,

And the night ends with the echo of my breathing.

Amidst the short spell of the so called life,

I create scaffolds many, eruptions for the time being,

And then, letting go-

Evading the basic truth, prospering in the illusions,

The time-bound magic of solitude, loses its charm.

And, when its time for the phoenix in me to flame,

A smorgasbord of polish, spun by life itself, remains-

No savoir-faire to help.

Once again, a scaffold gushes forth, from the unknown-

And rhapsodize life into the living,

And the final breathe infuses all the credulity-

Ah! Laconism at its forever best.

An Ode To His Jumper...

The wool still seems so fresh,
Even today.
The emerald green has now faded,
Dulled to a strange hue,
Lackluster, like my life.

Running my fingers
Over your favorite jumper,
I can feel your heartbeat,
Even today.
The lubb and the dubb,
You often made me hear-
A song, so dear,
Yet, now forgotten.

I remember the umpteen times,
We have gone out,
In the chilling winds-
And the warmth of your embrace.

The many times, I had cried,
And drenched your jumper, soft-
Your warmth seeping in,
Your safe hands patting me-
I had gone to sleep, many a night.

I still can whiff the fragrance,
Of our yesterdays-
The chocolate sauce that driveled,
Amidst the laugh riots-
The stains of love,
Washed away, yet ambrosial,
Sprinkled with fondest of memories.

Holding onto your jumper,
I sit, this afternoon,
On the very same wooden chair,
Where I sat ages ago,
With my knitting yarn-

Just that, my skin has now wrinkled,
And my hair has turned silver-

And most of all,
The deep red rug where you sat on,
Playing with our dearest dog-

Ever so vacuous, it pleads on to me...

... and, I once again, drench your jumper, stark!

Thoughtless Thoughts...

Don't ever, not again-

My lungs seem to scream,
A final note-
Before the burst.

I hear the bang,
From across the distance-
Ear shattering,
And I sit numb.

Cozy,
In my safe couch,
Munching on my cookies-
Ah! delightful.

The rain droplets wet my window panes-
The smoky fog coating all over.
And I walk over, smiling-
My fingers tracing patterns,
On the foggy terrain-
Beautiful!

Amidst the lashing rains,
I make out a trace of fumes-
Erupting.

The gloomy day turns dark-
Blacken soot rising,
Blisters of fire, violent-
Flaming, even in the rains.

Another explosion-
I mutter to myself, in disgust.

Walking over to the couch,
Picking up a cookie-
I sit back, safe-
In the cocoon of my dad's protective wealth.

At times, I do feel a fear-

As though my breath gets short,
And my limbs go immobile,
Like the many, outside-

In the open, facing the rage-
The rage of the weak-
The fiery weakened souls-
The terror lashing minds,
Weakened by greed,
Threatened by the strength,
Of the innocent minds-

Surviving, after each terrorizing loss.

And all they want- destruction.
In sheer fear-
Of losing their grip,
Their hold.

Oblivious to themselves , they go on,
Lashing their violence-

Wishing not to give out, their fear,
A camouflage indeed!

Ah... I wonder if the networks would get jammed-
What if I have to sit back,
All alone,
Till the peace gets restored-

Until the next time-

Ah! What if?

All that I care today...
...Myself.

( Blame me, can you?

Deep in, I know...
.....you too feel just the same!! )

Sometimes...

Sometimes,
You need to smile-
And let go, of your tears.

In the mirth of a tear-
May the soul find solace;

In the depth of yearning,
May the strength pour in.

Sometimes,
You need a support-
To rest your arm.

And sometimes,
You need a blanket-
To cloak your naked skin.

The bitter cold may hurt,
The warmth may burn-
Yet, the pain may not sink in.

Along a lonely ride, you walk-
All alone, all through the times-
And then;

Sometimes, you do forget-
You are still alive.

Dew Drops

From across the distance,
I await-
You.

The sands of time,
Have spilled,
Into the unknown.
Yet, I find no trace-
Of yours.

It seems just yesterday-
The crimson sunset endearing,
Stepping out into the open,
On my solitary evening stroll-
I saw you.

Walking towards the horizon,
As achingly, the dusk set in,
Your silhouette shone,
In the canvas of eternal darkness-
Stark.

The rustling leaves murmured a song,
And you turned, to me-
Our eyes grazed,
In the ashen silence-
Mesmerizing.

And then, the stars sprinkled, all over.
Holding hands, we walked over,
Across the stretch of shore;
Endless rapture-
Exploding.

And then, as the spring set in,
You offered me a sight, precious;
Pristine dew kissing the rose petals, soft-
And that moment, you held my soul,
In your arms.

And yet, the very next morn,
I found you gone-
Wiped away, and I stood,
Trembling-
Promising myself to wait.

Everything seems just like yesterday-
I still try to catch the dipping sun,
As you taught me to.
I still smile at the sight of the chirpy birds,
Cooing in all love.
I still find time, to smell the roses, red,
You so dearly loved.

And I still,
Stand by the same winding paths-
Every eve, the twilight setting in;
Hoping to see-
You.

And every night, when my eyes ache,
In the longing, to see you-
I walk out, into the garden,
Sit by the roses red,
Heaving with the weight of my tears;
And the rose petals, they shine,
Brighter than those dew droplets,
Of eons ago.

His Eyes!

Delving deep, into his eyes-
To find,
A reflection-
Myself,
Embedded,
Deep.

Alas!

All I see,
In his intoxicating eyes-


...L...
O...V
...E...

That, dips me in.

And,
My reflection-
It never floats.

It sinks-
Deep, deep down,
Into his heart, an imprint.

And, it's just love, in his dear eyes-
All over;
Soaking me in.

A Legacy

Cross-legged, I sat-
On the wooden floor.

Opening a trunk,
Of eons ago,
Passed down-
Bequeathed, to me-

A legacy.

Cockroaches running around-
Outliving ages, they live.

Crumpled silk, moth eaten-
It lay, a worthless treasure.

Rummaging through the shambles,
I find-

Rusted souvenirs,
Singing a symphony, of its own;
Surviving the test of time-
It lay, on my palm-

Lifeless.

My nimble fingers held on,
To a parchment, old.
A newspaper cutting,
Yellowish hue adorned-

Termite struck.

Ever gently, I brushed,
The termite nest off-
And my eyes found light,
A portrait-

Mine.

I wonder, why you saved the portrait,
Through all these years-
When, blind you were-
Ever since birth.

Eyes wet, I walk back-
A legacy treasured.

Graveyard Fragrance

Let the rain drops splatter,
All over my grave.
The earthen land, dense;
Engulfing me, within-
A mound of gravel,
Thrown at me-
A random toss.

I hear a few chants,
From not so far, away-
A new visitor,
A fragrance fresh-
Carnations or lilies,
White or pink,
I wonder?

Its been a while,
Since I have had someone,
Come over-
No hand has ever touched me,
No flower has ever adorned me.
I wonder, why?
Ah! Desires of a wilted soul, unheard.

The veronicas have flourished,
I see-
Thriving from my dwindling essence,
It grows, covering me-
Pushing me deep, into oblivion.
And ruthlessly, I lay forgotten.

Graveyard fragrance-
Wish you could sniff the aroma,
Of dried up tears,
And soaked mud-
Withered soul,
And lifeless spirit.