gone are those days...

gone are the days
when,

a smile could make our day
a baby could make us smile
a star could make us dream
a touch could make us warm
a raindrop could make us cool
a breeze could make us calm
a letter could make us happy
a vision could make us aspire
a pinch of love could make our life...


gone are the days
when,

the sunbeams meant warmth
the darkness made us feel safe
the placid lakes epitomed beauty
the fragrance of y'days spread on
the moments of past felt bittersweet
the homemade food spread love
the little crushes made us blush
the timeless memories filled us fresh
the little deeds showed fondness...


gone are the trivial elements
of once,
a life unmarred by violent throes
of today,


gone are those days...
...gone are those days
yet my soul longs for it all...
...just this once more

...a web...

lofty are my thoughts,
unsteady, my gait.
i feel myself slip away,
again, a false beat.
time seems to chain me,
my thoughts.
steps faltering,i sway,
against the breeze.
assumptions fade away
as reality strikes.
voices smooth and soft
caressing my senses.
i slip into a silken dream
waiting to be awaken,
into a new dream,
woven in magic.
alas!its invisible threads,
and me,bound...

cartwheel spins,shedding seconds
a pace,faster than any race.
i lay still,awaiting doom
but comes to me,a joy
unfathomed a pleasure,
my heart skips a beat
cool mist wet my eyes
and a smile breaks in,
after a while...

the images seem so bizarre
foggy,vision at a blurr
a kaleidoscope runs
and i find myself
holding on,
to threads a many,
running here,
and running there,
invisible links,
connecting my thoughts,
weaving a web,
a mesh,
of the wonders,
of life....

and still newer threads,
arising from the deep,
a new direction,
a new step,
i quiver,
in fear is it?
or is it anticipation,
of the unknown?
i wonder...

a secret buried...

eyes that spit fire
reflecting hatred
in a purest sense
brooding disgust
i longed to find in you.

i look at you tonight
hoping,praying hard
for a look of anger,despise
and plead one last a chance
a note of forgiveness,but none...

i have hurt;broken your trust
shook the entire world
beneath your feet,
unknown even to you;
and i now feel all the regret.

"he" came to me
as a puerile soul
peals of laughter
symphony of care
fun and frolic as never.

i felt carried away
in "his" musk of power
the titillating gazes
notes of love,anew
i felt myself waver,away.

eachtime i held your gaze
i felt a stab of pain run
through myself,lynching
everynote of loving care
made me flinch,i felt corrupt.

tonight,as i lay back
pondering on my emotions
i realise it hard and true
a new face,a momentary joy
a passing infatuation-"him".

you,have taught me love
the myriad emotions true
the hymn of euphony shared
the touch of love,in you
i find all hues and shades,of me.

wish i could wipe away
those few days i strayed
emotions fill me tonight,
a sadness unfathomable
regret palpable all around.

wish i could tell you,i came back,
back to your arms where i belong
yet you'd never ever know it true
a dark secret i wouldnt ever share
a note i long to bury,deep down,in me-"him"!!!

the sinner's sin...

the dark seems to hold a fresh light
in my eyes,i feel it ever so bright
the darkness seems so very sharp
and my senses seem to fade away
for i feel an urge,every time,so deep
to hurt, to kill, to bleed...

every evening alone,i try hard
to bind myself,away from sin
away from the merry,smiling crowds
away from "her" toxic self,that lures
and every time,i try to force myself
to sleep,to stay calm,to not kill...

as the longest of night begins to fall
the vine red curtains begin to drop
i feel my show about to begin
i pry open the shackles i bind myself
euphoria sets in,hard to explain
i walk out,a razor in hand,eyes in quest...

walking across the streets in awe
my eyes search for "her",all gay
smiling face,painted toes,smoked eyes
color dripping off the lips,hips swaying
in invitation to sin,to be a part of the sin
venomous eyes inviting me to sin,in coy...

"she" leads me in,i follow,mersmerised
"she" shines in the dark,my light is it?
"she" takes me high,"she" takes me on
"she" is full, toxic and lethal,i know
pleasure assailing me,and i lay back,
spent,"her" body shines in my sweat,beads...

looking at "her",i feel the venom oozing
"she" has yet again lured me to sin
and played on me,my helplessness,myself
rage seems to pound in me,"her" smiles
strike me as hot molten burns on my skin
blisters i see all over,of a sin forced,by "her"...

the razor plays before my closed eyes,again
my hand seems to grope "her",yet i am still,how?
my razor seems to graze around "her" neck,how?
i see the drops of blood,i hear the shattered cries
i see "her" angelic face distorted,yet am sleeping,how?
yet,my sin has been washed over,in "her" blood...

and now,i can sleep sound,content and calm
the night seems to have diluted into the ashen dusk
the birds seem awake,i wonder did they see me sin?
i wonder did they see me punish the sinner to death?
i see the sun peeping,smiling at me for my courage
i have killed the sin,yet i feel so cold,i do hate the night...

the harry potter hype!!!

a fresh morn as ever
i wake up with a smile
the bright sun rays
peeping at me,again
waking me off my slumber!

fresh and new,i pick up
the newspaper to read
"july 21" the date striking
main news about "harry potter?"
i felt so strange,times have changed!

the boy who lived
and the scar that hurt
fantasy world so bright
wonderful read indeed
yet does it deserve all this hype?

the day moved on,so did i
channels too played their role
publicity rage,or is it indeed
that great a read,eclipsing
every single news,at the forefront!

driving along the streets
i saw a huge rush ahead
wondering what the commotion
could be at such wee hours
i realise its the rush for "HP-7"!

frowning at the weird hype
i ride on,my day seems to lull
tired and beaten,home beckons
relaxing with a mug of cocoa
i ponder on,the craze of "harry" all over!

a wonderful read,rich in fantasy
a treat for the children,i agree
yet wonder why no classic tale
could ever manage this hype
wonder why...i wonder why...?

smiling away,the kids all over
adults hiding and reading the same
smirks and grins, fights and fun
maybe there is much more to it
maybe its me who cant fathom the magic!

resigned,still wondering on, deep
i tuck in myself,to a fresh new sleep
hoping for a dream,magic and wands
a fantasy land and shining souls
hoping to wake up as "harry potter"!!!!!!!!!

Oasis of a lover's arms...

Every night in the dark
Sometimes in the light
I die again a new death

The hands ripping me
Off my cover,in sheer joy
The lips that violate me
Passing on the vermin
The tongues that lash on
Spreading the filth ever
The limbs that pin me down
Underneath the heavy weight
Red hard flesh plunging me
Filling me,disgust welling in
The throes of pleasure for you
I lay dead, oblivious to all feel.

The savage pounding goes on
Through and through
In and out
Hurting
Groping
Pain ripping me ever
Moans
Oomph
And aaaah
You utter in pleasures of sin
Disgust
Hatred
Pity
I feel brimming in me, helpless.

Every time my body seems to fake pleasure
My soul writhes in pain, deep set
Memories of an innocence of once
Fills me anew, every time, over and over.
Throwing the wads of currency at me
They walk away, not a word uttered
My body seems bruised many a time
My soul longs for a loving touch
The oasis of a lover's arms, i wish for
Not the brutal rage of a nymphomaniac...

Tonight yet again, I lie back
Living through another nightmare
A new face, the same pains
Hurting, and raging at me
I try hard to focus on my dear one
The tender peals of love
The love in his eyes, his soft"mama"
And I feel the strength to live on
Hoping my little one would never know
Never know his "mama" in this hue
Never know...never know...

Counting the notes,the new face
He moves away, not a word
And I long for the best moments of love
The oasis of a lover's arms...

Pages from my diary...

The crinkled corners,
The pearly white lost,
Edges frayed, prints dull,
An off-white hue on show.
I flipped through the pages,
One by one, hands trembling,
I touched the hard cover,
Red leather, still bits of lustre,
Shining, the golden prints,
Seemed to glow anew,
Into me, I felt a warm glow!

I sifted through the pages,
My eyes moving across, fast,
Some words struck me odd,
Making me ponder, if its true.
The handwriting seemed mine,
Yet, ever distant, I felt the lines,
Words from my soul, of once.
And today, it seems so strange.
I couldn't help, but smile in glee,
Remembering instances of once.
Ah...time does fly, i realize!

Living through the images of mine,
I feel myself fresh and young,
Silly and frivolous in my youth.
The aching crushes across time,
The silent fears poured out,
The pages seemed to be stained,
In tears of mine, of an eon ago.
I feel the pain once again jolting,
Memories worth a life time,
Springing upon me, a surprise find,
Making me go back to being myself!

Time seems to have moved on, a race,
A pace ever so fast, dragging me along.
The pages so old and battered,
With the fragrance of yesterdays,
The wrinkled tear stained corners,
The inks ever fading, yet distinctly mine,
Memories of once, filling me with nostalgia.
I find tears sting me eyes today,
Yet, my lips curve into a deep smile,
As I find myself once again, renewed.
Pages of my soul, hidden deep down,
Lay bare once again, battered, but breathing alive...

missing you...

night has befallen
sleepy eyes so misty
symphony of the dark
the music of raindrops
velvetty darkness around
enveloped in fog,anew
each bud,each leaflet
in a silent raspy slumber
waiting for the dawn
in contented sleep!

but,why am i awake
restless as never before
counting the stars galore
pacing the room so oft
nibbling my pen to a stump
wonder what has gotten
into me?
and i realise with a smile
my soul longs for you
into me,all over me-
you!

and tonight i am missing you...
ah! i miss you so...

my little star...

the night had turned musk
cloaked in sheer black velvet
flowing in a rhythm divine
the darkness so silent ever...

the cool breeze swayed in glee
the ebony darkness shivered
the velvet bound closer,tighter
pitch black,a beautiful night...

the pearly white disc of light
the moon,hidden behind the cloak
in a silent raspy slumber
dreamy dreamy-the night moved on...

i stared at the coal black stretch
my eyes seemed startled by a twinkle
a tiny little star,so far far away
shining down on me,smiling in glee...

the shimmery little star glowing
brilliantly lit,an astral glow
i felt i could dream on and on
eternity seemed to lull up till the star...

i found a striking resemblance
the little star seemed all so mine
with a start i uncover the mystery
i've seen this star,a million times over

- in your eyes..smiling...twinkling...loving...

chamber of secrets!

tiptoeing into your life
i tried to have a peek
into the many layers
of your soul well hidden
i tried to pry open
the deepset chamber
hoping to find jewels
a pensieve of memories
a casket of dreams
secrets buried deep
frantic fears unknown
i wished to read you
through and through
and then,barge into you
soothing your senses
nurturing your dreams
living through your memories
embracing your vulnerabilities
sharing myself with you!

hushhh! a silent quest
i opened the chamber,easy
alas! i found no jewel
no caskets of glory
i just discovered myself
in you!!!!

one last time...

one last time...

remember the times,
when you woke me up
at the crack of the dawn
and you'd tell me again and again
dawn is beautiful just when am near you...?

remember the times,
you held my hands,a walk
across the shores,waves crashing
and you'd whisper soft,into my ears
the oceans in my eyes makes you feel alive...?

remember the times,
you'd startle me from behind
and the long long hours of tease
the giggles of yours,and i'd often pout
and you'd take me in your arms,kissing me mute...?

remember the times,
you'd come home drenched
in the rains splattering in glee
and i'd rush in with warm clothes
before i know,you'd drench me too,in your love...?

remembering the little little joys,
i look at the twinking stars,wishing
i see yourself across the skies vast
and i cant help but wish you alive
one last kiss,one last touch,one last smile....!

one last time...

crystalline miracles...

i felt so down
hurting
aching
a feeling,so hollow
engulfing me
in a rage
without flames
just the heat
unbearable
and scorching;
melting me into it
pouring out
the essence of my soul
the molten pain
so dense...

a breeze blew by,tender
cooling off
the magma of pain
condensed bolus
cooling in the open
erratic puffs
blowing away
the condensate,a new form
the pain subsiding
the moiety changing form
the quasi fluid transforming
into crystals pretty,
beautiful crystals
-of life,
-of experiences,
-of miracles!!!!!!

friends on a high!

itz 11pm sharp,dark and cozy night
"tring tring tring"my cellphone rings
half asleep i do pick up the call
"heylo..itz me..do i seem drunk?"
a question popped,my eyes awake
"errr...are you drunk?" i shot back
he seems to be real glad at my question
"ohh great,so am still decent and sober"
it makes me laugh,but i try to be calm
conversations on a run in the background
friends on a high,a party just to chill
alas its my sleep,nowhere to be seen!!!

loads of food, pitchers of "drinks" anew
and so goddamn high,three great friends
fighting and bickering on the next stop
the place to pig out again,afresh!
my eyes seemed to pop out,on the menu
wonder where does these lean guys
put in all the junk? gluttony an ordeal!
a lady walked by,i pity her plight
invites to join the trio at their table
had it been me,a pail of water splashed
on the three heads!sensless brutes,on a high!
alas! why is it me who's still awake????

time flew by,my eyes seem to droop
yet the slurring jabber seemed hilarious
and i didnt wanna miss out the fun,lol!
i heard the sound of pebbles plop plop
wondered where in a restaurant are they?
"ohh its just the pebbles in the flower vase
been hurled into the wine glasses!!!!!"
quipped my friend in innocent a tone
and i couldnt help laugh at his plight
the conversation started to shift onto me
deductions and observations on "myself"
i realised its high time for me to sleep
letting the trio enjoy their threesome! lolz!

glimpses into the mind!

glimpses into the mind
seeking answers to it all
the many mundane thoughts
wilting and withering dreams
well nurtured hopes failing
wonder how deep the crevices
sucking in the euphoria
the vacuum smells of lost heaps:

-of shattered dreams
-bleeding eyes
-thorns that fail to prick
-fragrance stagnant
-beauty cloaked
-pain dripping
-speech subdued
-movements constrained
-emotions strangulated
-touches blistering
-breathe choking
-wingless dreams

wondering again,reasons evading
the questions ever mounting,
what lies ahead,or does it move on?
glimpses into the mind,static a compilation
no notes to follow,no threads to link
pondering on the sheer essence of life
the mere existence of mine still vague
wondering,would it ever be crystal clear??

fifty odd days...

fifty odd days,you granted me-
a mirage of hope...

eagerly awaiting your arrival-
with bated breath
and heartful of love
welling to be let open.
anxious eyes,ever falling
across the open doors
along the caving roads.
the bitter-sweet long wait,
painful a pleasure,
waiting,in anticipation
the home-coming of yours
filling me up with hopes anew
for living life,once again
with you...

fifty odd days,you granted me-
a mirage of hope...

fresh as a breeze,i felt you in me
all smiles, tender yet wild
hunting for the right words
fidgeting with the fingers,long
trying to hold the gaze
we sat,eternity in bloom
silent,trying to savour the moment
when it finally dawned in.
a cautious smile,eyes twinkling
letting go of inhibitions and walls
we eased into the frame deepset
smiles and giggles a many
loving and living together,
like the first time ever!

fifty odd days,you granted me-
a mirage of hope...

and tonight,as i count the days
for you to go back,days few
i find a lump in my throat
thinking of bidding you goodbye
the distance and the time
may sudbue our passion,
but can never kill our love.
standing at the doorsteps,
waving you goodbye,
raising on my toes,a final kiss
smiling eyes,holding you close
uttering notes of concern
tears threatening to sting our eyes,
and yet we adorn our smiling facade.

fifty odd days,you granted me-
a mirage of hope...

and i still have the invisible threads linking us,
in our souls,the million hopes pouring vigour,
waiting to be strung,the beads of our love
once again- counting days, once again...

fifty odd days,you granted me-
and now,hoping for more,a new mirage to live for,until you return...

timeless reflections!

i wish i could hold you back
today-
and forever.

i yearn to build my dreams
with you-
and just you.

the umpteen times of twittering
together-
wishing,for more.

your crazy little marvels,escapades
startling me-
unexpected rapture.

the long hours of waiting,for each other
reaching late-
with sheepish grins.

the myriad smiles and laughs of ours
resonating-
peals of love.

lucky am i or is it you?
wondering aloud-
or is it "us"?

wishing to hold back the sands of time
in my hands-
a schema solid.

longing to capture us in a beautiful frame
brilliantly lit-
a glow astral.

you and me, picture perfect an image
reflections-
in our eyes,ever!

after what seems to be ages...

after what seems to be ages
i see you again,once again
fresh as a lovely tulip in bloom
i see your smile,so dear,once again!

after what seems to be ages
i find myself still the same
every time i hear your voice
a happiness swells in me real!

i see you again,once again
my best friend,forever mine
and my mind fills with nostalgia
of times spent together in glee!

fresh as a lovely tulip in bloom
i feel so fresh to share myself
every joy,every sorrow,i buried in,
out today,at your hands to be freed!

i see your smile,so dear,once again
and i realise you mean so much to me
being far,i realised you are a part of me
am ever so incomplete without you near!

ink so red...

i looked down at the white tiles
blood trails masking the white
i looked around in sheer concern
i hoped to see footprints in red!

i saw the drops of blood clogged
red i couldnt call it anymore,i realise
brownish hue,clumps of liquid life
all along the place,life dried up afresh!

i looked around at every visible link
to look for traces of a wound,bleeds
i tried in vain to raise curtains and try
find the links of the ink of life,red ink!

the clots dry,began to break off,
powdery red stains once so lucid
the breeze came in,strong a puff
blowing away the traces for good!

walking back,away from the white tiles
i looked back once again,a quest?
and as i looked down at my feet
i saw the red ink dried up,oblivious to me!

the golden feather...

sitting along the sandy shore
clad in long flowing white silk
fitted with golden beads many
laces of white,my wedding gown
my hair let down,free to sway
in the breeze so soft and cool
the saline sprays from the sea
the waves lashing on, in glee
the salty scent ever so fresh
staring across the horizons at bay
i ponder on,dwelling into eternity...

the gale so soft and cold,misty
stroking my face,calming my senses
i gently close my eyes,shuting away
the roars of fun,all around me today
a gentle drop of tear seems to melt
from the icecaps of pain in my soul
and i try hard to fight the tears off
glaciers to melt,and the sun scorching
i try to encase my soul in a casket
wrapped with my smiles so hardly done
the casket of pain buried deep in me...

the gale gave a puff too strong
the waves lashed onto the rocks
where i sat calm,drenched to the core
eyes still closed,thoughts burning
and i felt a tender touch on my face
a warm and soft touch so dear,ever
a silken touch on my cheeks,so tender
and i felt you were still here,never gone
still with me,ready to take the vows
and my eyes sprang open,a tear drop too...

and i saw a soft little feather,golden silk
i saw it fly eastwards,carrying my tears
and i felt once again,the feathery touch
the touch of my love,departed in a haze
the touch of love,of time and all yours...

the crimson in my hands...

the fierce golden red
ever so brightly lit
i felt itself burn,
burn my soft skin
with its touch,
the touch of red!

i found the crimson
dripping away
into my hands
as i held my hands
a cup,across horizons
the sun in my hands!

the breeze lofty
the waves crashing
music filling me
scent of sea gushing
and my cupped hands
held above my head!

the sun on a fast pace
to sink down,deep
into the seas,a slumber.
i tried hard to hold on,
moving my hands in its pace,
i tried my best to make it stay!

alas! the gold and red
dropped off from my hands
into the sea,with a splash
and i felt the warmth strike me
walking back in the dark
my hands still shining,a golden hue!